How to start Spicing it up

Sexting: What do I say?!

Sexting Guide: What to say when sexting and how to say it. 

Getting a sext from your flame feels amazing!!! Sending a reply... then waiting for another hot and spicy response just heightens the excitement.

But the art of communicating sexual desires and thoughts over text doesn’t come naturally to everyone. For some of us, it’s a skill that needs to be honed.

The good news is that the more you practice, the more your confidence will grow. Here are some tips for better sexting to keep your sexts out of the awkward zone and in the oh-so-steamy zone. 

Get Consent

Always remember to get (and give) consent before sexting and keep in mind that it should be a fun, positive experience for everyone. Think of it like wine, if it doesn’t taste good, put down that glass!  Read more about safe sexting and consent here

Sexy talk


What does sexy talk sound like?

What words, descriptions and adjectives turn you on? Are they the same for your partner? Probably not, so it’s fun to play around with different ways of describing different body parts and actions. What’s not so fun are sexts that sound clinical or like they’re instructions (unless it plays into a specific fantasy). The more you sext, the more you’ll discover which words really get your partner going. When in doubt, ask them. ;)  

Think about using nicknames and euphemisms in your chat.

Dick, cock, clit and pussy are always popular, but calling a partner’s penis Thor’s hammer can be fun and flattering, too. Not everyone is comfortable with the raunchier words like cunt, so if a word offends you, say so in a clear, gentle way and suggest one that you prefer. Discussing what words you like is its own fun in sexy chat!

Appeal to all five senses

Touch is very powerful, but so is the smell of your partner’s neck or the sound of them breathing in your ear. Also, think about taste. It can be very sensual to describe how your partner’s body tastes. Maybe sweet and salty at the same time? Could there be chocolate syrup involved? Baileys Irish Cream? Get creative!

Photo by Farzad Sedaghat from Pexels

Communicating without non-verbal cues

Non-verbal what? I’ll explain. Whether we’re aware of it or not, we all use non-verbal, or wordless indicators when we interact face to face. It can be as simple as a facial expression like a coy smile or an eyebrow raise. Sometimes it’s body language like a squeeze on the arm that communicates, “Let’s get naked!” Because we can’t use these types of non-verbal cues when we sext, we have to be creative in how we use text. 


Punctuation can really change the meaning of text. Take this example:

It’s all good!

It’s all good?

It’s all good…

The first sounds enthusiastic and confident. The second implies the sexter is unsure or asking for feedback and hesitant. The third implies there’s more to the story. Always choose your punctuation carefully.

Emojis and Memes

Adding emojis or memes to your sexts can add humor and clarity, but don’t stop at the eggplant or peach emoji. Emojis can convey mood and tone - like LMAO or overheated or heart eyes or drooling. Other emojis to consider include the taco, the tongue, the sweat droplets, okay hand and pointed finger. These can all help tell the story about what you want to do to your partner (or have them do to you!) How would you use the joystick emoji? Maybe you can have special secret emojis just between you both.

Start slow and build 

Sexting is a type of foreplay, so you always want to start slow.

Take your time! The goal is to create excitement and anticipation in your partner. If you choose to send sexting photos, think about taking your partner on a visual journey of your body. You may start with just a snap of your feet (naked or in sexy shoes). Move up from there. Knees to thighs, or a booty shot with clothes still on. A sweaty, gym-selfie can also be a great place to start. Think about sending at least five clothed pics before any clothing comes off – it will drive your partner wild waiting and hoping for more intimate photos. Leaving the sexting nudes for dessert!

Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

Tone and context within your sexts



There’s no right or wrong tone to use when sexting – as long as you both enjoy it. The conversation can be light and fun, or dirty and raunchy – or both, depending on what is exciting to both of you. And you can always change it up! If one partner tends to be more authoritative and commanding, and the other more submissive, consider trading positions the next time you decide to sext. Tone and context can also change evening by evening. Every night of sexting you are discovering new ways to explore your sexuality and desires. 


Also, be sure to provide some context around your sexting so your partner doesn’t get lost. If your sexting fantasy is about “pony play,” be sure to mention it or else your partner could be confused as to why you are wearing a bridle or saddle. Be clear and specific so you can both be on the same page. Specific details add texture and life to a chat and make visualizing sexiness that much easier. 
Photo by Mudassir Ali from Pexels

Fantasy vs. reality

Sexting can be a great way to explore a fantasy but it doesn’t necessarily mean you or your partner want to experience that fantasy IRL. One sexting superpower is the chance to explore ideas you might never want in your actual bedroom. There’s something really powerful in telling your partner “This is role play,” or “Let’s imagine something we don’t ever have to do.” There can be real freedom in actively granting permission to play around with forbidden activities or ideas that are out of bounds or impossible in the real world. Sexting is a true place for mutual exploration. 

The sky's the limit with sexting adventures, as long as you both consent and it brings pleasure to both of you. Dive in, explore, and enjoy the DELICIOUS!

Your relationship will only strengthen and grow as you both delve into the world of sexting.