Scorching Hot Sexting Starts with Consent
Sexting is a great way to explore both you and your partner’s sexy curiosities, deep desires, kink and forbidden fantasies. It’s awesome foreplay!!! AND it can also help build intimacy, strengthen the relationship, even build self-esteem – as long as both people give clear, enthusiastic consent. Are you ready to read our most important sexting tip? We’ll give you a clue, it's all about how to practice safe sexting.
What is consent?
Consent – whether it’s for sexting or IRL sex – is when BOTH people give permission for something to happen. It means asking questions and getting clear responses. “Can I share a sexy thought with you?” or “Would you like to see my throbbing dick?” or “Would it be okay to share a fantasy about having a threesome?” The idea is to make your intentions clear while also establishing boundaries. It can even be a negotiation: “Yes, I’d love for you to send me a pic of your rock-hard cock, but not while I’m at work.” or “Having a threesome is hot, but how about I pick the third person? I want a three-way with you and Benedict Cumberbatch!”
Consent is enthusiastic and it can look like a “HELL YES!!!” or any other similar words or images that evoke the feeling of the flames emoji or smiley face with heart-shaped eyes emoji.
Consent should be given freely and should never feel coerced or forced. Consent is NOT “You badgered me until I gave in,” or “They said yes to one thing so that means they said yes to everything.” Consent is an important tool in the sexting relationship and it should never be assumed.
And remember, consent is ongoing, fluid and REVOCABLE. It can always be retracted and should not be assumed it will last forever, which is why communication is key. It may be hot to sext about pegging today, but it might not be tomorrow. Stay attuned to how you feel, how your partner expresses themself, and do a temperature check before starting anything new! In safe sexting, you should frequently ask for consent. If your partner revokes their consent, simply ask them to suggest another scenario or fantasy that is exciting for them and, if it sounds hot to you, go for it!
With consent comes boundaries
Setting a boundary is to set a physical or emotional limit of what is acceptable. Some boundaries you may know in advance and others are discovered as you try new ideas or activities. Boundaries help us establish the limits of our fantasy world and understanding them can be an opportunity to get to know your partner’s sexuality better. Boundaries need to be communicated and should always be recognized and honored to keep the relationship healthy and positive.
Examples of boundaries in sexting include, “I never share nudes,” or “I only share pictures with someone I’ve met in person,” or “I only share sexy pictures without my face.” Sometimes boundaries extend to when your flame likes to sext. They might say, “I only sext late at night / in the morning / on the weekends.” If that preferred time works for you, then make that your shared sexy time – and until the clock strikes, you’ll have something delicious to look forward to.
Some people are great at establishing boundaries, but others may have a harder time. With practice, however, it will become easier to determine your boundaries and respect the boundaries of your partner.
If you feel safe and supported, the best sexting can feel like an adult playground of textual, visual and naughty delights. But as you try out new topics, fantasies and new types of photos, it’s possible to feel vulnerable. If this happens, it’s okay to express this feeling to your partner by saying something like, “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this, this is my first time,” or “I don’t know how I feel about this.”
Feeling vulnerable or unsure means slow down – for both of you. Continue to explore the idea if you want, but perhaps don’t escalate it. Ask questions: “Should we do something else?” or “What is making you less comfortable?” or “Would it be better if we talked about this instead?” Sometimes a bit of reassurance from your partner is all you need to feel safe.
Safe sexting zone
Creating a safe sexting environment builds trust and allows for deeper, more creative, truly adventurous play (AKA better sexting!) A safe space means that – with consent – anything sexy goes!
To establish a safe sexting zone, start with a safe word or emoji, or consider using the stoplight metaphor. A safe word/emoji is a word or emoji both you and your partner agree on to indicate things have gone from sexy to uncomfortable. The stoplight metaphor encourages you to text “green light” when something feels great, “yellow light” means things are getting into uncomfortable territory and “red light” means things have progressed too far and should stop. Or try 💚⚠️🛑 if that’s easier. These words/emojis are tools that can help you and your partner more clearly communicate your desires and limits.
Check in with your partner
As your sexting builds in intensity, it can create a rush of hormones and strong physical desire. In this heightened state, it’s possible that you or your partner may overstep a boundary without knowing it, especially if the world of sexting is new to both of you. If it happens, check in with your partner to communicate how you are feeling. Trust that your partner only wants to develop a deeper sexual connection and slow down. Going slow can be the hottest sexting of all.
Great sexting takes great communication and practice. As you define your boundaries and build a safe space where both people feel great, get creative within the sexy world you’ve created. The more you play, you may be surprised how quickly those boundaries expand to include new fantasies and new types of photos.